My friend has a problem with her live-in nanny. This problem has nothing to do with the quality of her service. On the contrary, my friend and her family are absolutely in love with this nanny--let's call her April--so much so that they've come to think of April as a member of their family. As a matter of fact, it's the consistent distinction with which April performs her duties that is part of the problem: Other families in the neighborhood have begun to notice and have approached her with offers to care for their children. Of course, insofar as April is committed to work the hours specified in her employment agreement, she would be in serious violation to accept any placements which are in direct conflict with it. But she could accept jobs beyond the terms of the contract--after hours or on her off days--and, indeed, she has already begun to do so. Since April's secondary employment in no way affects her duties with my friend's family, it's not technically a problem. Yet the situation has provoked ample frustration, even hurt feelings, for my friend. She says she wants April to be available to her in all circumstances, even when she is technically off work. What if an emergency arises, she wonders, or she and her husband simply decide at the last minute that they want to spend the evening away from the kids? At its heart, she believes this matter touches on an issue that provokes very deep feelings for many people: loyalty. After all, since she regards April as a member of their family, shouldn't April, in turn, reserve an esteemed place for them in her life, on or off the job? Shouldn't April, in fact, cancel other jobs if my friend needs her more?

There are many real benefits to hiring a live-in caregiver. For families, live-in nannies tend to be more flexible. Because they live on-site, they do not have to endure the stress of commuting to and from work. They need only step outside their doors to start the day--an undeniable benefit to both employer and employee. And though these nannies may receive slightly less pay for in-kind benefits such as room and board, this situation is preferable to many caregivers because, unlike their salaries, they do not have to pay taxes on these benefits.

Yet for all perks of a live-in nanny situation, as my friend's story illustrates, it's very common for fundamental personal boundaries to erode gradually between families and caregivers. Of course, in any caregiving situation in one's home where one's children are involved, the basic elements of a relationship--including all of the emotional trappings--take on a more pronounced role than they would in other work environments. But in live-in situations, where employer and employee inhabit the same house AND work space, stronger bonds and deeper feelings often develop between the two parties. When personal boundaries are compromised because of intense emotional attachments, unfortunately, the relationship between employer and employee is subsequently compromised and bad feelings may develop.

In my own experience as employer to a wonderful live-in nanny, I find it's the untiring vigilance of both parties to maintain and uphold their most firmly held personal boundaries which keeps the relationship together in the long run. In designing our home, for instance, we included a 750-sq. ft. apartment with its own private bathroom and kitchen, on the second floor of the house, apart from our shared living space. This inclusion was part of our deliberate effort to provide our nanny with that essential separateness all of us regularly need from our work. When she's finished with her duties for the day, she can always go to her private space, close the door, and know that the remaining hours belong exclusively to her (My children are told to never, ever knock on her door). Because I value my relationship with our caregiver so highly, I make it a point never to involve myself with what she chooses to do on her own time, as far as it remains exclusive from her relationship with me. And while you may not be able to offer your live-in nanny her own private apartment, it is very important to provide her with a fair trade for any concessions she may agree to make above and beyond your fundamental agreement, and that she extend the same to you. Beyond those agreements lies the space that must be respected by both employer and employee in a live-in nanny relationship in order for it to flourish.

Along the way, MBF is deeply committed to supporting you in your vital relationship with your caregiver. In addition to the eight-page employment agreement we provide to all of our clients--a 12-year work-in-progress that has developed alongside our experiences with thousands of families--it's our unwavering goal to be your most valued resource after placement, helping to ensure that when you've discovered that prized and trusted person to be your family's nanny, you have all the tools you need to sustain your relationship.

Kathy Dupuy
President, MBF Agency

Labels: employer issues, employer resources, live-in nannies

A New Year brings so many new opportunities to think about...taxes. I know the subject is usually anxiety-inducing and sleep-reducing, but who was it that claimed taxes are one of life's only certainties? (Let's all hope none of us face the other of life's certainties this year). And with the benefit of some useful information and planning, tax time can be made somewhat less stressful year, and for years to come.

Of course, we all worry about receiving a sizeable end-of-the-year tax bill, so it's important to know all the credits that you can claim. You are actually entitled to receive many credits you may not already know about. For instance, this year you may want to learn more about the Child and Dependent Care Credit. It's simple: If you paid someone to care for a child or a dependent so you could work or look for work, you may be able to reduce your tax by claiming this credit. It's a percentage of the amount of work-related child and dependent care expenses you paid to a care provider, up to 35% of your qualifying expenses, depending upon your income. There is a limit to what you can claim, though: up to $3,000 of the expenses paid in a year for one dependent, and up to $6,000 for two or more dependents. In order to determine whether you qualify to claim the Child and Dependent Care Credit, and since there are some further restrictions on the amount you can claim if you received dependent care benefits from your employer, I urge you to check out the IRS Tax Tip Bulletin on the subject: (http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,,id=106189,00.html). Or, for a better explanation, take a look at Breedlove's site (http://www.breedlove-online.com/benefits_savings.html).

It can also help to do some tax planning now to ensure even greater tax savings in upcoming years. For example, Breedlove suggests that you look into setting up a Dependent Care Account with your company. Many companies allow employees with child or dependent care expenses to contribute up to $5,000 of their pretax earnings to an individual Dependent Care Account. That money is then used to cover dependent care expenses, tax-free.

And while you're in the HR office, I suggest you look into whether your company offers corporate emergency backup care services as part of its benefits package to its employees. Now might be a great time for you to enroll for this service which provides child care in case of immediate need, such as a child who's mildly ill but too sick to return to school for the day, or for circumstances of which you may be aware in advance, such as school holidays or a caregiver who will be on leave. This service is really of great benefit to employers, protecting them from a labor drain on those days when their employees' kids are all home from school. More and more companies, in fact, are now coming on board with corporate emergency backup care to help attract female executives, decrease absenteeism, and increase retention. If your employer does not currently offer this benefit, it might be a great idea to make a pitch to your company. MBF can provide you with a proposal once you've connected with the right person in your organization. Your co-workers will no doubt be happy that you did!

Happy New Year!

Kathy Dupuy
President, MBF Agency